We humans want happiness in our lives. [Does anyone disagree with this statement, lol?].
Every single one of us wants to be happy, wants something that can make us happy. Most of our effort is spent in doing things to attain happiness and or get rid of our problems. And yet, restlessness and mental stress abound in the world. Despite all the wealth we possess and the luxuries we surround ourselves with, most of experience some level of disquiet from within us. And we don’t know how to rid ourselves of it.
It’s like having an ailment to which no doctor can pinpoint a remedy for.
So what is the path to happiness and how do we get on it?
This is where things get murkier due to the dichotomy which exists between the world we live in and the spiritual realm that many of us desire to live in.
The world we live in places a lot of emphasis on self-identity. Self-identity is how we identify and define ourselves. Our self-identity is affected by many factors such as our likes and dislikes, our self-worth and self-esteem, our beliefs, our values, our heritage, the roles we play in society, and many more.
My identity for example is shaped by the roles I play in life – that of a woman, mother, grandmother, daughter, and friend, and my emotions, my values, my relationships and experiences, all the above mentioned factors, and more.
This self-identity is what enables us to connect with others and gives us a sense of who we are in the world we inhabit. Without it, we wouldn’t be able to live a meaningful life or relate to others. Our self-identity grows as we grow. It changes with experience and knowledge. It is shaped by the way we navigate our way through our relationships and our responsibilities.
We use phrases like “I am”, “I’m not”, “I want”, “I don’t”, etc. to maintain our self-image, self-esteem, and self-preservation in this world.
So, self-identity is extremely important to our mental and physical well-being because without it, our life would be filled with doubt, anxiety, inability to make decisions and so on.
In the spiritual realm however, it is the self-identity that is the main culprit and the reason for our unhappiness.
Our individuality is what we build and live with. We spend our entire life defending it and promoting it. This sense of self worth that allows us to operate and function in the world becomes our ego.
The ego then can be described as the sum total of all our experiences, perceptions, knowledge, and relationships. So then, using the A=B and B=C, the A=C concept; self-identity = ego.
Our ego is formed by the aggregation of our relationships, experiences, and worldly goods. Remove those from the equation and the ego no longer exists.
When our self-identity makes us demanding and arrogant, obscures our many faults, rationalizes our bad behaviors, enhances our self-worth or strips others of theirs, and elevates our own sense of self-worth, that is our ego in action.
To survive in the world, our self-identity is necessary. It makes us assume ownership and do things to fulfill our desires. It touches every aspect of our lives.
However, in the spiritual realm, this self-identity is our biggest obstacle. It is the reason for our lack of humility. It is the cause of our bad judgement and pride. It is the reason for our unhappiness.
To get on the path of happiness, the ego must be our first sacrifice. It must die so that our spiritual identity may take birth. This will result in a personal transformation unlike any other. When we live for our ego, our self-identity, there’s only material growth and material growth (worldly goods, attachments, relationships, etc.) creates an unhappy existence.
Spiritual growth can only happen when we ask ourselves questions like, what is my purpose on earth, what am I missing, who am I really, and so on.
Letting the ego die isn’t easy. But with simple habits and spiritual activities it can be done. All it takes is time and commitment.
As I said, killing the ego isn’t easy. I still struggle with it daily, lol. But at least I’m not resistant to the idea. I know that detaching myself from my ego doesn’t mean I’m abandoning my individuality. It simply means I’m recognizing that it exists and that it is or will be the reason for the restlessness and unhappiness that I face.
Adopting/instilling only TWO habits has made a world of a difference to my mental health:
Journaling. I love to write but I had never kept a daily journal until a few years ago. I started it during one of the lowest phases of my life and I found it extremely therapeutic. For me though, what worked best was to NOT to go back and read everything that I had written. Every month, I tore up all the writings of the previous month. This was/is extremely therapeutic for me because it allowed me to purge from my system all the thoughts and emotions that caused my mind to wander and create unhappiness within me.
Journaling is a wonderful spiritual growth activity.
Counting my breaths. This is such a simple and yet difficult habit that took me months to master. It was recommended by a spiritual mentor but I resisted it for years. I didn’t understand how counting my breathing could help me remove all the unhappiness that engulfed me. And even when I got started, I had such a difficult time doing it. The goal was to count my breaths until I reached a 100, without allowing any thoughts to distract me. Try it once and you’ll know when I tell you that it is more difficult that ANY other habit I’ve tried to instill in myself, ever.
Counting your breaths is one of the simplest and yet most difficult habit to cultivate
It took months, but now I am able to count my breaths to a 100 and not allow a single thought to intrude. In fact, now I can be in the. middle of an airport and still allow my mind to be devoid of all thoughts.
So you see, happiness is not that elusive. It’s simply a matter of understanding the SELF (our inner being) and working on it.
I’d love to learn about your spiritual journey. Are you on the path to happiness yet?
